Research on exceptionally happy people (the top 10%) found only one main difference between them and the rest of us. Very happy people have a rich and fulfilling social life. They spend the least time alone, have good relationships with friends and have an intimate partner. Interestingly they don’t seem any luckier in life than the rest of us in that they have a similar number of positive and negative things happening to them.
In short, other people matter, especially those close to you, like your partner, friends and family. Spending time with friends makes us happy. In fact, we seem to be the happiest when with friends, followed by being with family and being alone. However, only close friendships make a real difference, it is not the number of friends or amount of time we spend ‘socialising’ with acquaintances.
Unsurprisingly, being in love heads up the list of positive emotions. The most recent research shows that intimate relationships are the best indicators of wellbeing: 40% of married people see themselves as ‘very happy’, compared with 23% of those who have never been married. Women in stable relationships ovulate more regularly and reach menopause later than others. Children growing up within such relationships do better in terms of education, psychological health and social skills. Marriage usually leads to a rapid increase in wellbeing, which, whilst the effect wears off to a degree, married people remain happier on average than the unmarried and divorced.
Of course, it is not merely the fact of being married that predicts happiness but the quality of marriage. The important factors for marital bliss include instrumental satisfaction (financial security and sharing of domestic tasks), emotional satisfaction (social support, intimacy and sex) and companionship. However, if your relationship is really on the rocks, you can be less happy than people who are unmarried or divorced.
Use the Year of Wellbeing to learn how to make your relationships satisfying and fulfilling for everyone involved.
